I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
