I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
