sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we're making bets on your personal life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My life is pants optional.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
