stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
