Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
