I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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