everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
