You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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