we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
