There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
