I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
