Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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