What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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