You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
