shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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