Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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