Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
