i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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