what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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