is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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