woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
