I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
