i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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