my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
