yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
