Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
