It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
