I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
