God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
