I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
