Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Houston, we have a squirter
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
