you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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