I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
