If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
