I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
