i jhust puked up my retainher.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
