I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Quick, to the slutcave!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
