Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
