Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
