if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
