You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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