direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
