You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
