We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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