The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
