you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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