Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
