Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
