Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
