What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
