This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
