Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
